Daily Archives: July 23, 2002

ESPN.com: MLB – Yankees deny charge that players f…

ESPN.com: MLB – Yankees deny charge that players fixed ’70s games

I instantly believe the mobster who says they did, because I hate the Yankees a lot more than any mere ruthless criminal.

CNNSI.com – Horse Racing – Prince Ahmed’s cousin k…

CNNSI.com – Horse Racing – Prince Ahmed’s cousin killed en route to funeral

I would say that I’m not sorry about this one either, but I’m tired of being called a racist. I will just point out that this dead aristocrat (the only good aristocrat is… No! Stop it!) was driving like a maniac when he had an auto accident. There was “another car involved” but the story doesn’t say how; I expect that if that person didn’t die in the accident he was probably taken out and shot. I say “he” because it was Saudi Arabia, where women can’t drive, but maybe I’m being racist for pointing that out, too. I don’t know.

Ananova – Priest mauled to death by pig in well …

Ananova – Priest mauled to death by pig in well

Uh… A (Christian) priest in India was attacked by a wild pig. He jumped in an old well to escape, but the pig jumped in after him. This is probably symbolic of something.

CNN.com – Scientist: Sun composed mostly of iron -…

CNN.com – Scientist: Sun composed mostly of iron – July 23, 2002

I think this “Scientist” — who thinks that the Sun is a supernova remnant instead of a normal main sequence star — needs to start taking his prescription medication.

AP Wire | 07/23/2002 | Cheney visits nuclear sub …

AP Wire | 07/23/2002 | Cheney visits nuclear sub

I have to wonder if that’s wise for someone with a defibrillator in his chest. I assume they know what they’re doing.

USATODAY.com – Florida divers pay to swim with the…

USATODAY.com – Florida divers pay to swim with the sharks

Why? Because they’re stupid. These are the same people who pay to walk on burning coals, I bet.

CBS News | Lawsuits Multiply As Animals Die | July…

CBS News | Lawsuits Multiply As Animals Die | July 23, 2002 14:40:01

No matter how, as long as the animals die, the Bush Administration is happy.

Great Moments in Headline Writing Even in Thail…

Great Moments in Headline Writing

Even in Thailand, they make terrible puns:

Bangkok Post Wednesday 24 July 2002 – Exports of fancy fish flounder as industry stays fragmented

“Eventually,” said a spokesman, “We’ll be able to export fish which stupid Americans will dump into rivers and ponds. They shall kill all the native fish, and then, together, the fish and I will rule the world!!!

Help, please! I was cleaning up my hard drive a…

Help, please!

I was cleaning up my hard drive and I must have inadvertently deleted something I didn’t want to. My browser (IE 5.5 – I know, I know) is mostly okay, but some text (for example, the poll box over on the left) is illegible in the “medium” text size. In the other sizes it’s okay. Anyone know what I’ve done and how to fix it?

AP Wire | 07/23/2002 | Bullfrogs Threaten English …

AP Wire | 07/23/2002 | Bullfrogs Threaten English Ecosystem

I’m trying to come up with an appropriate joke about the French here.