Oldie but Goodie–Recasting “L.A. Law” with the politicos

This is kind of fun, with so many good characters…

Bill Clinton as Arnie Becker (Corbin Bernsen)

The sleazy, sex fiend who’s been around the firm/democratic party for a long time. He made partner a while ago.

or

Ted Kennedy as Arnie Becker (Corbin Bernsen)

what a letch!

Howard Dean as Douglas Brackman (Alan Rachins)

The obnoxious lout who thinks he’s running things and everyone hates him.

Hillary Rodham Clinton as Gwen (Sheila Kelley)

First, she really loves Arnie working for him, but then she goes kinda crazy…

or

Hillary Rodham Clinton as Rosalind Shays (Diana Muldaur)

The big time “rainmaker” the firm/party brings in. Except, what happens when she gets the ’shaft’.

John Edwards as Jonathan Rollins (Blair Underwood)

The hot shot young attorney(!) who everyone likes! What a smooth operator.

Al Gore as Michael Kuzak (Harry Hamlin)

The old school idealist who eventually walks out of the firm when things don’t go his way.

Joe Lieberman as Stuart Markowitz (Michael Tucker)

The friendly & loveable Jewish guy; we all agree he’s our friend but he’s never going to run anything or something silly like that!

Hadassah Lieberman as Anne Kelsey-Markowitz (Jill Eikenberry)

The tall, attractive wife who’s just as smart as the loveable loser and stands by his side. I wonder if Hadassah knows the “Venus Butterfly”?

John Kerry as Leland McKenzie (Richard Dysart)

The old school leader; he should step aside for someone younger to run things but he sounds like the voice of reason in a sea of chaos.

Dennis Kucinich as Benny Stulwicz (Larry Drake)

The only question–which one of these two is MORE retarded? At least Benny was loveable.

Tipper Gore as Grace Van Owen (Susan Dey)

It’s time to step down of that “high & mighty” platform! And Kuzack is a losing cause anyway.

Govenor Bill Richardson of New Mexico as Victor Sifuentes (Jimmy Smits)

Everyone seems to think this guy is the rising star of the Democratic party/firm. But will he leave the show with a wimper or a bang?

James Carville as Roxanne Melman (Susan Ruttan)

Neither is very attractive but doesn’t the party/firm realize they are the backbone of the whole operation?

John McCain as Tommy Mullaney (John Spencer)

The old school, gruffly loveable outsider who is great but never quite fits in with everyone else.

If anyone else has any ideas, feel free to comment…

More ruins of Tuscaloosa

This is roughly 150, 160 degrees clockwise from the other picture, showing the other side of the old capitol’s mini-rotunda. (I’m standing roughly five feet in front of where the front door — or possibly the back — was.) This side’s plastered and painted kind of a peach or beige color, presumably for preservation. (I couldn’t find any reason for this on the site, but any original paint would be long gone in this climate.) Through the doorway you can see one of the more intact of the building’s Greek columns.

Battle cry

“Release your service record, Mr. Commander in Chief.”

The Boobie letter

Superbowl Sleaze Fest! Dear Colleague Letter

Wonkette reprints a letter circulating from the congressional “Sex and Violence Media Caucus”. If you’re wondering, they’re against it.

Two things strike me about this letter. One is that the Republican co-chair of the new caucus is Tom Osborne, the former Nebraska football coach. I get the idea that he was mostly offended by the idea of football being corrupted by women and their womany parts getting involved, but maybe that’s just me.

Second, they get upset about the ad for the movie Van Helsing, which they say is terribly violent:

[I]t contained extremely disturbing and graphic images of brutality and gore, and despite the fact that it has yet to be rated by the Motion Picture Association of America. If the film were eventually to be rated NC-17, it would be contrary to network policy to carry any commercials for it.

Leaving aside the odd hypocrisy of complaining about a commercial containing gore and violence that’s airing during a football game… I am almost certain that no movie has ever been rated NC-17 for violence and/or gore; NC-17 means “sex”, almost exclusively. Maybe it should be different, but there it is. There is no way that a big-budget Hollywood release will ever be rated NC-17. Directors generally have a clause in their contracts that they have to deliver at least an R cut; any movie that got an NC-17 from the board would be cut until it got an R. I bet Van Helsing gets a PG-13. (It didn’t even look all that violent to me, but I’ve been desensitized. It looked cartoony to me.)

Die, you sanctimonious traitor

Matt Welch is getting spam from Ralph Nader, who is exploring yet another run at the White House and will certainly be able to raise lots of money from GOPAC. Asshole.

That makes sense

NASA to cut 87 jobs here, but Marshall says no layoff

We’re going to Mars, but first — NASA job cuts! Is that Bush in a nutshell or what? Grandiose plans combined with fewer jobs. It’s the entire administration in miniature.

Marshall will probably avoid actually firing anyone, relying upon retirements and transfers. They may offer some early retirement packages.

The Space Launch Initiative is dead. It was supposed to develop cheaper ways to get humans into space, but I guess that’s not a priority anymore. Go figure.

Royism update

WRAL.com - News - Display Of 10 Commandments Causes Problems In Murder Trial

A North Carolina judge has agreed to a defense request in a murder trial that he cover panels in the courtroom that show the Commandments. (These aren’t new displays like Roy Moore the Passover Bunny leaves everywhere he goes; they were painted on 90 years ago.) The defense isn’t saying what they requested this. Obvious joke: The line “Thou Shalt Not Kill” was deemed to be prejudicial.

JS Online: La Crosse ordered to remove Ten Commandments tablets

Meanwhile, in Wisconsin, the “Freedom From Religion Foundation”, assisted by some locals, is trying to have one of those 1960s-vintage displays taken out. A Federal judge agrees. Personally, for all my Roy Moore slamming, I don’t see the harm. There’s every difference between something that’s been there forty years and something one guy decided to put up in the middle of the night.

Shark Weak

HoustonChronicle.com - Study says shark has vanished from Gulf

Has the Oceanic Whitetip shark vanished from the Gulf of Mexico? One study says yes; the incidence of “bycatches” of the shark (getting accidentally caught by fishermen) have plunged since the 1950s. The Federal government, typically, denies this.

Sharks are the top of the ocean food chain, or were before humans came along. The loss of a top predator can be devastating to an ecosystem. Even if humans largely replace the predation, the system inevitably will change.

(Hat tip: Chuck Kuffner.)

They’re back (to trying)!

CNN.com - Cubans try floating vintage car to Florida - Feb. 4, 2004

I love these guys. The same guys who tried to get to the US with a modified 1951 Chevy pickup are trying again with a “vintage car”. I expect all vehicles in Cuba are vintage, but this one has tailfins! Let them in, and give them their own show on the Discovery Channel already.

UPDATE: Terry Oglesby says that it’s identified as a ‘59 Buick and thinks it’s a “Deuce-and-a-Quarter four door hardtop,” whatever that is. I’m not really a car guy.

More boobies

Affiliates balk at ‘ER’ breast shot - Feb. 4, 2004

Boobie Week continues. Tomorrow night’s ER is showing a shot of “an elderly female patient’s breasts”. I seriously doubt that they intend this for purposes of — no pun intended — titillation.