“Am I surprised? Gosh, yes!”

Rumsfeld : Recent U.S. deaths in Iraq higher than expected

I don’t know what would be worse, if he’s lying and knew that this would happen, or that he’s telling the truth and the burgeoning Iraqi Civil War took him completely by surprise. In any event, I’m betting that the latter is the case.

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Born to eat wild

Weston restaurant owner charged with buying wild meat

The owner of the “Pacific Island” restaurant purchased wild ducks, white-tailed deer, bear and snook from undercover agents of the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. I don’t know what “snook” are but I’m guessing it’s a fish which would mean that this goes in all three “pundit” categories.

The defendant says that he didn’t feed any of this to his patrons, and that it was only used to feed his employees. Uh-huh.

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It’s the Shooty and Bang-Bang Show!

NRA to produce own news, talk shows

I guess they won’t be more biased than most news sources. As long as they’re just on the Internet it won’t matter much.

That didn’t take long

Air quality fails tougher rules

After only one month of being in compliance with the old Federal air quality rules (that after 26 years of noncompliance) the Birmingham area is back in violation of new, stricter rules. Back to the drawing board!

Fork it over, Dick

Scrushy ordered to pay $25 million to HealthSouth

A Delaware court ruled that the disgraced HealthSouth founder does, in fact, have to pay his former company $25 million. This is for a loan he retired by giving back shares in the company; the shares, of course, were overvalued. The race is on between the Feds and various private entities to get their hands on Scrushy’s loot.

Profiles in disenfranchisement

Lewis disqualified to run for judge on residency basis

This is a goofy local thing, feel free to ignore it, but it’s always bugged me.

The court system in Jefferson County is divided into two divisions, the Birmingham division (most of the county) and the Bessemer division (basically the southwestern quarter), called the Bessemer Cutoff. Bessemer has its own courthouse and own judges, who (as in this case) have to live in the Cutoff. However, for some ungodly reason, those judges are elected by the county as a whole.

Now, Bessemer is majority-black, and the Cutoff as a whole probably is. (I don’t have the figures, but I’m pretty sure of it. I’ll ask my father, who practices law mostly in the Cutoff.) It’s certainly majority Democrat. However, the county as a whole is majority white, and if not majority Republican votes Republican in county elections.

The end result of all this is that the judges in the Cutoff are mostly white Republicans judging black Democrats. And every time there’s an election, it seems the goal is to find the Republicans who have the least to do with the people they supposedly serve. At least one judge is from Hoover. The rejected candidate here is from the boondocks towards Walker County, which may or may not be in the Cutoff but has little to do with its residents.

If it makes you feel better

UA will recognize its role in slavery

I personally don’t think that it matters a lot if the University of Alabama had slaves, or professors had slaves, 150 years ago. That’s a long time ago. But if it makes people feel better to acknowledge this and put up markers commemorating the lives of the victims of slavery, fine.

Zawahiri, Captain Euro reach peace agreement

(After CNN.com - Likely bin Laden tape offers truce to Europe - Apr 15, 2004.)

Zawahiri, Captain Euro reach peace agreement
Spain, Portugal, Sicily to be turned over to Arabs
REUTERS
Apr. 16, 2004

ZURICH — On the heels of a truce offer made via audiotape by al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden (STORIES), a peace agreement has been reached between al-Qaeda second in command Ayman al-Zawahiri (STORIES) and European superhero Captain Euro (STORIES). Though the agreement is not legally binding and Captain Euro has in the words of European Union spokesman “absolutely no authority” to negotiate for the EU, the agreement reached is the brightest hope yet in the attempts to reach a peace between the two sides.

According to the terms of the agreement, the island of Sicily, hitherto part of the European nation of Italy, will be returned to Arab control as part of the nation of Tunisia. The governments of Spain and Portugal will be required to step down and will be replaced by a ruling council of imminent Islamic leaders led by bin Laden as Sultan of Toledo. Sharia law will be imposed on the Iberian peninsula, and all those unwilling to comply with the traditional Islamic code will be given fourteen days to leave. Upon this news, France closed its borders. In exchange for the concessions, al-Qaeda promised to not kill any Europeans for the next two years. “Unless they’re Jews,” said Zawahiri in a press conference. “Or look like Jews. Or are in the same place as any Jews. Or Americans.”

CAPTAIN EURO SPEAKS

Captain Euro, speaking to reporters in a press conference announcing the agreement, said that he regretted the need to turn over large areas considered traditionally European and Christian, but that “It was necessary to make some concessions in order to build a lasting peace.”

“Though these areas have been part of Christian Europe,’ added Captain Euro, “we must not forget that they were part of the Islamic Empire before that, and their loss still tears at the Islamic soul. Until the questions of Sicily and al-Andalus are resolved, no lasting peace is possible.”

EUROPEAN LEADERS REACT

European leaders were outraged by the settlement and pledged not to obey its terms. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi pledged that Captain Euro “would have a long talk with some Sicilian friends of mine” when he left Switzerland. Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero said that he felt that Spain had already made enough concessions to al-Qaeda. Portuguese Prime Minister Jose Manuel Durao Barroso said that while he was “gratified” that someone remembered that not all of the Iberian peninsula was controlled by Spain, he could not in good conscience turn over control of his country.

WORLD REACTION

UN Secretary General Kofi Annan, congratulated Captain Euro and Zawahiri on their “historic agreement” and called on both sides to honor “the Zurich Agreement”.

US President George W. Bush, when asked for comment, stared blankly into cameras for thirty seconds and then said “I’m sorry, I can’t think of anything.” Presumptive Democratic Presidential nominee John Kerry was rollerblading and could not be reached for comment.

Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei condemned the agreement, saying that al-Qaeda had sacrificed Islamic claims to Greece and the Balkan peninsula.

It’s funny

Survey says UA facilities in need of repair — or demolition

Have you ever noticed that colleges tend to be all about the building of new buildings and not repairing — or replacing — the old ones? Take the University of Alabama. They’re still building Shelby Hall, there are a couple of other buildings going up, but a lot of the dorms and any numbers of the classroom buildings are in poor repair. The primary history and English buildings are the same ones I went to ten years ago and that needed replacement (history) or remodeling (English) then.

There is, of course, one exception to the rule that the old buildings don’t get maintenance. The school is set to spend $40 million to expand the football stadium and $23.8 for the gym.