Monthly Archives: October 2006

Feds damaging domestic rubber manufacturers

al.com: NewsFlash – Condom plants in Wiregrass announce layoffs

Why?

Chief Executive Officer Larry Povlacs told the Dothan Eagle newspaper that the U.S. Agency for International Development recently reduced its order of condoms from the company and is now doing business with Asian and Australian-based companies.

Apparently, they’re cheaper. Yet another blow to the hardworking American condom maker.

Blah blah blah

Debate touts differences

Debates last night. I certainly didn’t watch them, because I have better things to do, like play video games, or wander around aimlessly. However, I feel confident, from watching the campaigns, that I can reconstruct the debates with fair accuracy. First off, the governor’s race:

BOB RILEY: I can use my magical powers to ward off hurricanes.

LUCY BAXLEY: I’m desperate, so I’ll cut your property taxes.

RILEY: My opponent says she’ll cut your taxes, but she’s a Democrat! Like… John Kerry!

BAXLEY: I will put an end to corruption.

RILEY: My opponent says she will put an end to corruption, but she’s a Democrat! Like… Don Siegelman!

BAXLEY: I like puppies.

RILEY: My opponent says she likes puppies, but do you know who else likes puppies? HILLARY!!!!!!

There was also a debate in the Lieutenant Governor’s race. This is simple to boil down:

LUTHER STRANGE: I am tall. My opponent is fat. The choice is clear.

JIM FOLSOM JR.: Oh, heck, I don’t know how to respond to that. I’m just a good ol’ boy who used to be governor, not some fancy Birmingham lawyer.

And there was one in the Attorney General’s race as well.

“TROY KING”: I will lobby for a law making it legal to hunt homosexuals for sport.

JOHN TYSON: My opponent was appointed by Bob Riley as some kind of obscure joke.

“KING”: I get an erection every time someone is sentenced to death.

TYSON: I’m not going to say anything, I’m just going to let him talk.

“KING”: We need toughnewlaws making it harder for vampires to stalk our children.

TYSON: See?

New bars don’t actually open that often

City may call for 90-day ban on new downtown bars – Tuscaloosa

I would think that the Tuscaloosa City Council would have other things on its collective but tiny mind, such as the murder epidemic. But no, they’re concerned about bars.

About time

Court clears some felons to vote

These “felons” were convicted of crimes that should not be felonies, and should not have been stripped of their rights.

What is it good for?

King, Tyson war over Jones case

Here seems to be the situation… As Mobile County DA, John Tyson was preparing a case against a man named Jeremy Jones. Jones was a murderer but had his fingers in a number of criminal pies (and has been charged with murders in other states) and Tyson wanted to get him on everything. The victim’s family called in “Troy King”, and “King”, as usual, jumped into the fray in an attempt to up the state’s execution rate.

Now “King” is running an ad with a member of the victim’s family trashing Tyson. Tyson has responded by bringing up that family member’s theft conviction. It’s all very ugly.

Mystery Science California 3000

No, not in Alabama!

Show move motivated by race, say students – Tuscaloosa

The University has moved a homecoming performance by the hip-hop group the “Ying-Yang Twins” to a stage on the fringe of campus, near the hospital. In other words, in the middle of nowhere, far away from where students actually live and go about their daily activities. Meanwhile, a performance by a country singer, “Neal McCoy”, and the winner of the local “Battle of the Bands”, will perform on the Quad two hours earlier.

The University swears that this segregation separation change has nothing to do with race and is only because of logistics. I’m sure.

Seriously, this isn’t about race, it’s about age and money. The McCoy concert has nothing to do with the students. It’s for the parents and alumni who are here for homecoming. The students are getting thrown a rap group and the school probably feels that they should be grateful.

NB: I have no idea who any of these people are.