Thomason Tracts

Breaking News from The Birmingham News: Prosecutors say Scrushy might be flight risk

The Scrush apparently violated his bail agreement by taking a yacht from Palm Beach to Miami. Which I have to admit seems like the way to go when it comes to violating bail. The government had agreed to allow him to take a family vacation to Disney World, which most felons don’t get to do. Anyway, the prosecutor wants him put under house arrest with electronic monitoring (i.e. ankle bracelet). Yay!

Town wants clear water

Lead sentence of an article about a town that wants a new water system:

“STEELE - Steele’s waters may run deep, but they haven’t been very clear.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! HILARIOUS! WHAT GENIUS!

Drought grips north Alabama

It’s getting pretty bad — only an inch of rain in Birmingham in March, when normally you’d get over five inches. The effect it’s having on most people is that we’re constantly sneezing. Apparently, plants let out more pollen during a drought, and there’s no rain to get rid of it. I don’t normally have pollen allergies (my problems are with manmade pollutants) but I’ve been sneezing more than normal.

Dobson: Thompson must express faith - CNN.com

Breaking: James Dobson is an asshole. I know, big surprise.

Dobson said, ‘I don’t think he’s a Christian.’

A Thompson spokesman quickly contested Dobson’s statement, saying ‘Thompson is indeed a Christian. He was baptized into the Church of Christ.’

But a declaration of Thompson’s religion will not be enough for Dobson, who is viewed as being widely influential with evangelical Christians, a key Republican voting bloc.

‘We were pleased to learn from his spokesperson that Sen. Thompson professes to be a believer,’ said Nima Reza, a Dobson spokeswoman. ‘Thompson hasn’t clearly communicated his religious faith, and many evangelical Christians might find this a barrier to supporting him.’

I’ve posted this before, but Dobson seems to be unfamiliar with the Gospels, so here it is again, Matthew, 6:3-6:

But when you give to the needy*, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Of course, this is only Jesus, not James Dobson talking here.

*Yeah, right. Verses 3-4 don’t apply to Republicans.

Uncle Sam wants you, tattoos and all

Apparently, the Alabama National Guard used to red-flag people with prominent tattoos and get them reviewed by officers to see if they were acceptable. Because God knows nobody in the military has a tattoo. Anyway, what with Iraq this policy has been shelved.

Traffic light software caused rush-hour delays

Tuscaloosa DOT says they don’t know what caused the stoplights to get out of sequence. I have a guess — it was a Daylight Savings Time issue. At any rate, that’s when they went bad.

IRS seeks Jeffco checks aiding nonprofit group

So we have this nonprofit agency, “Computer Help for Kids”, which the IRS is investigating. It was founded by an all-star group: Crazy Larry Langford, Richard Scrushy, and former Birmingham City Councilman and Jefferson County Commissioner John Katopodis. The nonprofit refurbishes used computers and donates them to needy children, which seems like a good thing. However, there seem to be some issues in CHK’s books, which are all tangled up with another foundation founded by Katopodis and with the Holy Family Catholic school’s foundation, headed by Langford’s wife. Langford and Scrushy… Even if there’s nothing here, I have to cover this.

HBO, BBC discover ‘Einstein’ project

1. It’s a TV movie about Einstein and his theory of relativity.
2. Einstein will be played by Anthony “Gollum” Serkis.
3. Arthur Eddington will be played by David “Doctor Who” Tennant.

I am so geeked out by this I might even spring for HBO.

Police: Man swiped 1,500 women’s undies - CNN.com

So this perp stole 93 pounds of underwear from apartment complex laundry rooms. Cmdr. Tennant really enjoys his job:

“He said he had a problem,” Tennant said…

“We were kind of concerned about how to match up bras and panties with victims,” Tennant said. “Based on the unique descriptions from a couple of women, we can tie him to those thefts.”

The underwear will be held as evidence until the case is resolved, after which their disposition is uncertain, Tennant said.

“Would you really want them back?” he asked. “I would say not.”

Well, probably not, no. But I’m really curious about these “unique descriptions”.

Woman stopped wearing girdle of live crocodiles - CNN.com

So apparently a woman tried to cross the border between Egypt and Gaza — only one of the most heavily guarded and inspected crossings in the world — with three live crocodiles strapped to her waist. I suppose it’s not the most dangerous thing that someone in that part of the world has had strapped to their body, but it’s still pretty scary.

(h/t Meryl.)