He’s in trouble now

Commissioner charged with assault

So this guy goes up to a state trooper to complain about the trooper giving one of his (private) employees a ticket. And, apparently, he tackled the trooper and both of them went to the ground. Since the Blount County DA knows him personally, the prosecution of the commissioner has been deferred to “Troy King”, who will probably seek the death penalty.

Oh, thank you

EU ambassador hails Alabama’s evolving image

First off, who said that the EU could have an ambassador anyway?

Second, if there’s anything that makes Americans, and Alabamians in particular, want to execute even more people, it’s Europeans coming in and lecturing us about it and comparing us to China and Saudi Arabia.

Not exactly the same

Scientists find most Earth-like planet yet - CNN.com

I mean, it’s like saying I’m like Brad Pitt because we’re both humanoid bipeds and all the other comparisons are to trees. This planet is five times Earth’s mass, with 1.6 times the surface gravity, it orbits a red dwarf, and is tidally locked — that is, it always has the same face to its sun. I seriously doubt that complex life could exist on the surface of a tidally locked planet.

They who supplied it…

Steel plant uses billboard to deflect blame for odors

The steel plant out in Holt has leased a billboard to deny that they are the source of the Smell that occasionally drifts around the area in the mornings. The Alabama Department of Environmental Management says it’s probably the nearby asphalt plant.

Republicans not sorry for slavery

Legislators pass two resolutions on slavery

The Senate voted on its own resolution after the House vote yesterday. I’m not sure that this whole thing is necessary, but once it’s on the table you kind of have to vote yes. Unless you’re a Republican. They all voted no or abstained.

I could say something sarcastic here

Breaking News from The Birmingham News: House passes resolution apologizing for slavery

But gosh, we’re talking about the Alabama legislature. For these guys, passing essentially meaningless resolutions is just about the best thing they do. And hell, maybe the state should apologize for slavery, and there’s still a good chance a Republican in the state senate will say something insane.

Obvious “Godfather” reference in 3, 2, 1…

Police investigate fish, pictures found in Yonkers grave - Newsday.com

Well, it looks like somebody hasn’t quite gotten the hang of that “Sleep with the fishes” thing.

Crikey

Australian detectives search in Hoover

See, there are things I can’t do. This really calls for a scene between Hoover Detective Bob, Australian detective Bruce, and Australian detective Bruce discussing the case. But I can’t write Australian dialect. I tried, it’s just not something I can do. Sorry. Anyone else want to try?

As seen on “The Colbert Report”

Heat ray in development at Redstone

They’re testing the device that zaps people with heat rather than stunning or killing them in Huntsville. I suggest — since they’re up near the border anyway — they try it out on Tennessee fans.

Isn’t that nice?

Scrushy to end SEC suit for $10 million

I mean, all he’s been through, and he still has $10 million to give the government. With lots left over! It doesn’t come close to equalling the damage he’s done.