Thomason Tracts

Siegelman, Scrushy ask court for probation, no prison terms- al.com

Scrushy says he didn’t mean to break the law. Siegelman is apparently scared that people he prosecuted as attorney general will shank him or something. Come on, they can look out for each other.

Panty-mask robber gets away on bicycle- al.com

So this guy robbed a bank in Center Point wearing panties as a mask. But the story doesn’t give details. What color panties? Were they see-through, or did he use the leg-holes as eye-holes?

CitizenLink: Faith Groups Press for Ten Commandments Stamp

Well, that’s par for the course.

Poland to probe if Teletubbies are gay - Yahoo! News

Next up: Dora the Explorer is really a Communist, isn’t she?

Dry spell has critters creeping into homes- al.com

Rats, mice, and bugs are moving into homes in search of water and food, thanks to the drought. But that’s not all. One person tells of a water moccasin trying to enter his home. When poisonous water snakes are moving in, it’s unusually dry.

Hoover police getting 10 speedy scooters for crowd patrol- al.com

I mean, look at these things:

They can go 25 MPH but their real value is that any miscreant pursued by these vehicles will immediately fall over laughing. If you had any doubt about their sheer dorkiness, this should finish them:

“The sight of the vehicles sparked plenty of interest from golf fans, they said.”

Enough said.

Alabama Lists Gays Among Terrorist Groups

The state of Alabama’s Department of Homeland Security had a website up listing organizations to watch as possibly spawning terrorists. Among them were gay rights groups and anti-war organizations. Terrorism from these groups seems… well, unlikely. Of course, we’re talking Alabama Republicans here, and gays and anti-war people are notoriously icky.

It also included environmentalists, animal rights advocates and pro-lifers. Now, I don’t know what groups they included here — knowing this state, we’re talking the Sierra Club. But there have been terrorist incidents from all three, and the only major act of terrorism in Alabama was by a pro-life freak. Still.

Thieves hinder church reconstruction | TideSports.com

Someone stole a trailer full of tools from the site where one of the churches the three morons burned down is being rebuilt.

Ex-Bush official calls for social change- al.com

Normally I would just mock anyone associated with George W. Bush who claims he wants to make the world a better place, but I have bigger fish to fry.

Samford University alumni and former Bush Administration official Eric L. Motley told graduates Saturday they can make a difference amid an enormous array of world ills.

Alumnus. The singular is “alumnus”, or for a woman “alumna”. “Alumni” is plural.

Nation & World | Frozen fish from China recalled as two in Chicago fall ill | Seattle Times Newspaper

Now, they’ve apparently exported puffer fish (which are toxic) while labeling them “monkfish”. This is on top of the melamine and the antifreeze in the toothpaste and Lord knows what else.