Category Archives: Worst Town Ever

And now, the lawsuit!

Former Lipscomb police chief found not guilty.

He was accused of abusing the child of an “acquaintance”. I don’t know why he wasn’t convicted. Maybe he was actually innocent, though in the case of anyone from Lipscomb city government the presumption of innocence doesn’t really apply. Anyway, his lawyer says that he doesn’t know if the ex-chief will try to get his job back, but I’m sure somebody is going to get sued.

So, what’s happening in Lipscomb?

Former Lipscomb police chief sues mayor, council – al.com

Ah, the usual.

Conlin Payne has been indicted for child abuse, but the government says that this is not why he was fired. Why not?

There is nothing funny about child abuse

Lipscomb police chief to go on trial in July in Jefferson County for child abuse – Breaking News from The Birmingham News – al.com

There’s lots funny about the Lipscomb city government, though, so I’ll be paying attention to this. I’ve been slacking off the last month or so, I’ll try to do better.

Three guesses where he’s police chief

Police chief pleads not guilty to abuse – al.com

Lipscomb Police Chief Conlin Payne pleaded not guilty to a charge of child abuse Monday in Jefferson County Circuit Court.

Actually, I think I already covered this one once, but I never tire of making fun of Lipscomb.

Here we go again!

Lipscomb police chief on unpaid leave after arrest on child abuse charge – al.com

While child abuse is no laughing matter, the Lipscomb Police Department is hilarious. Remember, this police department, which can’t go a year without someone being arrested, has only four officers. Between them and the council, you’re talking nine people, ten with the mayor, and an arrest rate of well over one per year.

The town chaplain has been named the temporary police chief. There are any number of jokes I could make about what she is going to do to get arrested. But I won’t.

Of course!

Update: Officers searching in Lipscomb for escaped prisoner, van found – Breaking News from The Birmingham News – al.com

He’s probably a city official.

Debbie Downer

Melanie Bouyer wins Lipscomb mayor’s race, ousting Mayor Deborah Miller – Breaking News from The Birmingham News – al.com

Bouyer was the lady who Riley appointed to the Lipscomb city council, but who had to resign because she didn’t live in the district. She won election pretty handily. It remains to be seen how long before she’s arrested.

An officer following the finest traditions of the LPD

Lipscomb police officer loses probation, jailed | TuscaloosaNews.com | The Tuscaloosa News | Tuscaloosa, AL

This is a “harassment” (meaning, “borderline sexual assault”) charge I’ve mentioned earlier. Should I mention that he’s charged with committing these crimes while in uniform? Probably. Of course, since everybody in the Lipscomb city government occasionally claims to be a police officer, the cops there probably have to wear their uniforms at all times just to make things clear.

You know, like mowing the lawn, or an airport run

Lipscomb policeman offered to tear up ticket for ‘favors,’ woman says- al.com

“He didn’t mention sex specifically, but it was inferred,” Christian said.

Oh, right. That.

This particular member of Lipscomb’s Finest was already on probation for a 2007 misdemeanor conviction. Yes, in Lipscomb you can be both a criminal and a policeman. Actually, it seems kind of expected.