Siegelman to Riley: "Pull My Finger" I’m dread…

Siegelman to Riley: “Pull My Finger”

I’m dreadfully sorry, really. But that was really too easy.

According to the good people at YACCS, comments wi…

According to the good people at YACCS, comments will be down until approximately midnight. Sorry for any inconvenience, but you get what you pay for, I suppose. You can always email me.

Today’s Disturbing Search Request "civil war" s…

Today’s Disturbing Search Request

“civil war” spanking boys. I don’t want to know.

I don’t suppose anyone hasn’t seen this, but just …

I don’t suppose anyone hasn’t seen this, but just in case you haven’t, check out Blogtree, and if you have a blog, sign it up. Here’s my blogtree.

Tobey Maguire to star in ‘Seabiscuit’ A lot of …

Tobey Maguire to star in ‘Seabiscuit’

A lot of people thought Maguire was bad casting as a superhero, but he proved them wrong. Still, I don’t know if he can pull off playing a horse.

Marquis de Lafayette Named American Well, good….

Marquis de Lafayette Named American

Well, good. What took so long?

Vigilante neighbors in court for branding molester…

Vigilante neighbors in court for branding molester

In court? They ought to get a medal.

Hendrix Named Greatest Guitarist This is hardl…

Hendrix Named Greatest Guitarist

This is hardly news. I mean, if Jimi Hendrix hadn’t won, that would have been news. Meanwhile, Jimmy Page was second, and that’s a mistake. Stevie Ray Vaughn was nineteenth, and that’s ridiculous.

Captain Euro Vs. The Martians (When we last lef…

Captain Euro Vs. The Martians

(When we last left our intrepid hero, he was confronting Marvin, leader of the Martian invasion force sent as revenge for the constant human littering of the pristine surface of Mars. The EU and the French government sent the Captain to negotiate while they made desperate calls to the British for help.)

CAPTAIN EURO: Surely, we can discuss this like reasonable beings. We would be willing to pay reparations and offer development assistance.

MARVIN: Silence, Earth-fool! The ancient Martian civilization needs no help from the likes of you! Prepare to die!

EURO: There’s no need for violence. Negotiation is…

[MARVIN SHOOTS HIM WITH A ZAP PISTOL]

EURO: AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!! [HE FALLS TO THE GROUND, TWITCHING]

MARVIN: So, you are made of sterner stuff. [PAUSE] I have to admit, I’m surprised.

EURO: I understand that you are only lashing out because you feel powerless. Now, can we at least set the agenda for future talks?

MARVIN: Okay, that’s it, you’re going to die. Let me just put this on the highest setting… [HE RAISES HIS GUN]

VOICE: Stop!

MARVIN: What? Who are you?

EURO: Oh, helvete, it’s the Hulk.

HULK: Hulk smash Martian!

EURO: No, Hulk, you mustn’t! He’s only a product of his environment!

HULK: Huh? Hulk confused.

MARVIN: I am not a product of my environment! I am a sapient being from an ancient civilization, and I will destroy both of you!

HULK: No! Hulk smash Martian! [HE SMASHES MARVIN]

EURO: Why did you do that? I was starting to get through to him!

HULK: What?!?!?

EURO: Yes, he seemed violent, but I was starting to break through his shell, I could tell.

HULK: What? [HE FALLS TO THE GROUND LAUGHING]

MARVIN: What? [HE STARTS LAUGHING TOO]

HULK: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAARRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! [HE CHANGES INTO DR. BRUCE BANNER]

BANNER: Where am I? What am I doing here?

EURO: You just interfered with my negotiations with this Martian!

BANNER: Martian? There’s no such thing as Martians. Mars is cold, dry and lifeless. He’s pulling your leg.

EURO: What? If this is so, then you must be…

MARVIN: Yes, it is I! [HE REMOVES HIS DISGUISE]

EURO: Zut alors! C’est Jean-Marie Le Pen!

Europe begins building Mars lander Euros in spa…

Europe begins building Mars lander

Euros in space! I’m sorry, I’m trying to figure out how “Captain Euro versus the Martians” would go.