Daily Archives: October 31, 2006

Feds damaging domestic rubber manufacturers

al.com: NewsFlash – Condom plants in Wiregrass announce layoffs

Why?

Chief Executive Officer Larry Povlacs told the Dothan Eagle newspaper that the U.S. Agency for International Development recently reduced its order of condoms from the company and is now doing business with Asian and Australian-based companies.

Apparently, they’re cheaper. Yet another blow to the hardworking American condom maker.

Blah blah blah

Debate touts differences

Debates last night. I certainly didn’t watch them, because I have better things to do, like play video games, or wander around aimlessly. However, I feel confident, from watching the campaigns, that I can reconstruct the debates with fair accuracy. First off, the governor’s race:

BOB RILEY: I can use my magical powers to ward off hurricanes.

LUCY BAXLEY: I’m desperate, so I’ll cut your property taxes.

RILEY: My opponent says she’ll cut your taxes, but she’s a Democrat! Like… John Kerry!

BAXLEY: I will put an end to corruption.

RILEY: My opponent says she will put an end to corruption, but she’s a Democrat! Like… Don Siegelman!

BAXLEY: I like puppies.

RILEY: My opponent says she likes puppies, but do you know who else likes puppies? HILLARY!!!!!!

There was also a debate in the Lieutenant Governor’s race. This is simple to boil down:

LUTHER STRANGE: I am tall. My opponent is fat. The choice is clear.

JIM FOLSOM JR.: Oh, heck, I don’t know how to respond to that. I’m just a good ol’ boy who used to be governor, not some fancy Birmingham lawyer.

And there was one in the Attorney General’s race as well.

“TROY KING”: I will lobby for a law making it legal to hunt homosexuals for sport.

JOHN TYSON: My opponent was appointed by Bob Riley as some kind of obscure joke.

“KING”: I get an erection every time someone is sentenced to death.

TYSON: I’m not going to say anything, I’m just going to let him talk.

“KING”: We need toughnewlaws making it harder for vampires to stalk our children.

TYSON: See?