Monthly Archives: April 2008

He’s pretty judgment-proof

SEC files civil complaint against Birmingham Mayor Larry Langford, banker and lobbyist – Breaking News from The Birmingham News –

Since he’s broke and all, I don’t know what a civil judgment against him could do. This is tied in with the whole Jeffco bond crisis in ways I don’t quite understand.

Someone has to pay for the free bus rides

Free bus rides in Birmingham on hold – Breaking News from The Birmingham News –

Of course. The transit director wants the city to at least give them some of the money it promised before starting the free bus rides. What is BMLL’s stance?

Birmingham Mayor Larry Langford attended the press conference and said, if the transit director made the decision on the fees arbitrarily, he should be replaced. He also said if the transit board made the decision on the fees arbitrarily, it should be replaced.

As usual, it’s to get rid of the people who want to know where the money is.

Hey, sackcloth isn’t cheap

Jeffco senators fail to approve raise for Birmingham mayor – Breaking News from The Birmingham News –

Well, it is, but 2000 or so bags adds up. Fortunately, he has his Ponzi scheme to fall back on.

I would say that alcohol and swords don’t mix

Hoover man gets 10 years in slashing with samurai sword-

“This is a story of a great tragedy with injury and loss in two young men’s lives,” Joiner said during the sentencing, adding that the situation “exemplifies the fact that alcohol and teens don’t mix.”

So, it’s ten years (with probably only three served) for cutting off your friend’s hand with a sword. Good to know that.

And whose fault is that, Madame President?

President Bettye Fine Collins questions commission support of free bus fares-

Why, could it be yours? You’re the one who didn’t bother to show up at the meeting where the Commission voted on it. Maybe if you had been there you could have talked some sense into them. When this all ends in tears — which it will — it will all be your fault.

Another entry in annals of slapstick reality

Man mistaken about robbery injured running into door – Breaking News from The Birmingham News –

Not so much “into” as “through” a glass door.

That’s a lot

Jefferson County bond interest payments climb another $700,000 per week-

They’re paying $12.8 million a month in interest alone. This situation is not sustainable. Declare bankruptcy already.

Reach out and touch someone

Birmingham Mayor Larry Langford used Jefferson County vendors as contacts in personal business-

So, what was Crazy Larry doing for his full time job while on the County Commission?

Langford, elected mayor last fall, quickly became a top regional salesman for the telecommunications company 5Linx after joining in fall 2005, reaching the second highest sales level in his first 90 days by recruiting others to market the company’s phone, Internet and satellite services, and by selling services himself.

Okay, that sounds a little sleazy, but not shady. What else you got?

Langford sold Birmingham lawyer Charlie Waldrep on the company’s services after Waldrep’s firm received county bond business. The Birmingham-based Haskell Slaughter law firm, which helped with many of the county finance deals, also bought the services from him.

Chris Woods, a Birmingham contractor, signed up as a marketing agent in late 2005 under Langford’s regional 5Linx sales group. Woods’ construction company received a city contract to help manage building projects after Langford became mayor.

Yeah, that looks pretty bad. But what is it really?

The 5Linx business, known as multilevel marketing, rewards salesmen for recruiting others by giving them a portion of the sales and recruiting bonuses of those agents signed by their group. The concept is similar to Amway and Mary Kay cosmetics.

The more agents Langford recruits, the more money he can earn. The concept allows him to sign businesses up as marketing agents, even if they don’t sell the services or recruit others.

It’s a Ponzi scheme! The mayor of Birmingham is part of a Ponzi scheme.

Fortunately for Langford, he’s being investigated by Alice Martin, incompetent Bush hack US Attorney.

More from Sackclothapalooza

I give you Larry Langford:

Just Do It!

Notice that he is wearing a golf shirt under his sackcloth, meaning that he doesn’t really get it. Also, notice the little icon on his sleeve. It’s a Nike swoosh! Jesus wept. Also, he appears to be (a) eating his own hand, and (b) a Product of Brazil.

Product of loony bin

What, no flagellation?

Mayor dresses down for city `day of prayer’-

Maybe next year.

The smell of burlap and the ominous tones of James Earl Jones reading Revelation mixed with free-form individual prayer from more than 1,000 people who came to Boutwell Auditorium Friday night to observe what was proclaimed by Birmingham Mayor Larry Langford as “a day of prayer in sackcloth and ashes.”

“Luke… I saw a beast coming out of the sea. He had ten horns and seven heads, with ten crowns on his horns, and on each head a blasphemous name… This is CNN.”

Organized with the help of Steve Green, pastor of More Than Conquerors Faith Church, Langford called for the sackcloth rally inspired by the biblical story of the city of Nineveh. After hearing the preaching of Jonah, residents of Nineveh wore sackcloth and ashes as a sign of repentance.

Huh. And what happened to Nineveh?

Nineveh’s greatness was short-lived. About 633 BC the Assyrian empire began to show signs of weakness, and Nineveh was attacked by the Medes, who about 625 BC, joined by the Babylonians and Susianians, again attacked it. Nineveh fell in 612 BC, and was razed to the ground. The people in the city who could not escape to the last Assyrian strongholds in the west, were either massacred or deported. Many unburied skeletons were found by the archaeologists at the site. The Assyrian empire then came to an end, the Medes and Babylonians dividing its provinces between them.

So we have that to look forward to. Anyway, Larry wasn’t the only crazy person involved:

The Rev. T.L. Lewis of Bethel Baptist Church in Pratt City delivered a long and emotional sermon during the two-hour rally. His message focused on God’s call to Jonah to preach to Nineveh.

“We came to charge the enemy,” Lewis said. “We want the devil to come out.”

He asked the audience to pray for Langford. He said he believed God was at work in allowing Langford to be elected mayor without a runoff in a crowded field of candidates.

“Only God could have done that,” he said.

He said there were forces opposing Langford but he would prevail with God’s protection.

“Whatever the enemy may do,” Lewis said, “he is wasting his arsenal.

“It doesn’t matter what they write,” he said, dismissing negative press coverage of the mayor as “journalistic terrorism.”

Wait, does that make this bloggistic terrorism? I don’t want a visit from Homeland Security. Speaking of, doesn’t George Bush think that God elected him President?