Category Archives: Substances

Congratulations to the Polk County Police Department!

Woman suffers heart attack during botched drug raid  | ajc.com.

Another triumph in the War on Defenseless Old People Drugs!

“These were considered high-risk warrants,” Dodd said. “These individuals are known drug dealers and they were looking at a lot of time in federal prison, so obviously, when we serve those types of warrants, we usually go in with guns drawn just to protect ourselves.”

Yeah, those 76-year-old women are deadly.

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Here’s how I think that went

Joyce DeWitt Arrested on Suspicion of DUI at The Insider

COP: Ma’am, would you step out of the car, please.

JOYCE DEWITT: Do you know who I am?!?!?

COP: No, who are you? Are you somebody?

Ooooh, marijuana!

Birmingham’s embattled City Councilman Johnathan Austin has no plans to resign over 2003 marijuana charge – al.com

Not to step on Loretta‘s turf or anything, but this is insane. People are trying to get this guy (appointed to fill William Bell’s seat) to resign for the horrible crime of possessing a whole half-ounce of marijuana! Meanwhile, the mayor is walking around with 101 federal counts on his head. And do you really think Larry Langford has never smoked pot? Exhibit A:

crazy-larry-and-his-little-afro

Yeah, that guy never did any drugs. Nor did any of the sterling citizens on the city council, who are debating if a half-ounce of pot rises to the level of “moral turpitude”. And of course, the guy himself is saying that what he did was terrible, and it wasn’t really his pot, it’s was a friend’s, and he wants to show that you can overcome the horrifying effects of knowing a pot user by joining the Birmingham City Council.

It’s a new indoor record!

Sheriff deputies uncover record indoor marijuana growing operation – Breaking News from The Birmingham News – al.com

Congratulations! As a special bonus prize, you get your bail set at $1 million! Or, “four times what it would be if you killed someone.”

Hey, it’s not the Parent-Teetotaler Organization!

PTO president charged with giving alcohol to teen – NewsFlash – al.com

So she gave booze to a thirteen-year-old? Has anyone asked the thirteen-year-old what he thinks about it? I bet he thinks it’s great! Best PTO President ever!

Oooooooo, marijuana!

Authorities eradicate 18,751 pot plants in Alabama this year in ongoing drug search- al.com

Talk about a waste of time. Look, even if you think that marijuana eradication is a worthwhile pursuit (I don’t — full disclosure, I don’t smoke pot and never have) this is a colossal waste of time. That’s not one tenth of one percent of the marijuana grown in this state. It’s nothing. That stuff grows wild around here.

It’s always fun when a member of the team turns out to be a cocaine dealer

UA football player Johns suspended from school, dismissed from team – Breaking News from The Birmingham News – al.com

So, near-legendary Alabama football player Jimmy Johns (who never could manage to turn his athletic gifts into actual football skills, and disappeared from the offense for most of last season even though the team was essentially out of running backs) turns out to be a cocaine dealer. I didn’t know that, but apparently the only other person who didn’t was Nick Saban. Several people have said, “Oh, yeah, I heard about that.” However:

Snyder described the investigation as “fast and furious” to avoid the information leaking to the public.

The “public”, as I said, seems to consist of me and the football coach.