Thanks a lot, Google

War Liberal: Another reason to hate Germany

Having become the #1 search result for “I hate Germany” because of my complaint about getting spam from .de domains… I am now hosting a rousing debate about if Germany is really awful or not. Personally, I don’t actually hate Germans. Nor did I kill any Native Americans.

Great moments in Juxtaposition

Work on how to use nuclear power in space heating up at Marshall

Hint for the Huntsville Times: find a way to phrase this headline so it doesn’t sound like they’re trying to manufacture nuclear-powered space heaters. All I could think of were the fires every winter when those things set the carpet or the curtains ablaze. Imagine: “Tragedy struck today when Chicago was vaporized by an atomic fireball. Authorities blamed a faulty space heater.”

They’re talking about using nuclear power in space. That’s just fine by me. If they’re going to fission uranium and plutonium, that’s a good place for it. I’m sure that if they actually tried to launch an atomic-powered vehicle everyone’d go nuts.

Degraded Reality Show

Sharpton’s Next Role: Talk Radio? Reality TV?

Let’s face it, Al Sharpton can’t really be degraded by reality TV. He’s done enough all by himself. Who has he talked to about doing a reality show? Fox, of course.

Look out! She’s got a fish!

Woman With Fish Arrested at London Airport

A Gambian woman, Nenneh Nyana Jaiteh, was arrested at Gatwick airport carrying 186 pounds of fish and meat (breakdown: 172.7 pounds of fish, 13.2 pounds of other meat, mostly goat but including snails) in her luggage. I knew English cooking was bad, but do you really need to bring your own?

This would make an excellent spam letter parody if I had the time and inclination right now. Any takers?

Even Roy Moore has some standards

Appearance not a sign of support

A spokesman for St. Roy says that her master didn’t mean his appearance on Richard Scrushy’s show last week to be a sign of support for the defendant. It was just a chance to get his word out to anybody watching the WB at 7:30 on Monday morning and who hasn’t heard about the Ten Commandments yet.

After doing the Scrushy show, St. Roy went to New York City! to tape an interview for “a news magazine show for one of the major networks”. He’ll also be speaking in Ohio and in Chicago. Friday, he’ll be on Hannity’s radio show and he’s appearing at the Comedy Barn all week.

Scrushy’s show was the least-watched program of the day.

Rick Bragg goes to seed

Right to Bragg?
Alabama native son will receive award despite career controversy

I assume you can’t dress like this at the Times.

The University of Alabama is giving Bragg the 2004 Clarence Cason Award for Nonfiction Writing. In case you were wondering, they’ve already given it to Howell Raines. The editor of the Birmingham News says that Bragg is a “great writer”, but refused comment on giving him the award.

This is a tough one

John Henry Williams, son of Red Sox great, dies at 35

The guy’s dead, should I mock him anyway?

Anyway, nobody knows if he’s been frozen, or partially frozen, or what. John Henry, of course, had his father Ted’s remains frozen because he believed that cryogenics claptrap. There’s no word yet on if John Henry’s remains have been frozen.

Those little knives are dangerous

Oystering accident kills man

Actually, it was a boating accident on the way to oystering. (Whose last name, ironically, was “Seaman”.) I don’t think oystering itself ever kills anybody.

Our enlightened leadership

Students may get new chance at diplomas

Hundreds of Alabama students in the late 1990s could never graduate from high school even with good grades. They had learning disabilities (like dyslexia) and the state didn’t make allowances for them on the graduation exam. The state is finally making a rule change to address this.